My Health Is Going to Fail

Alright, I've resigned myself to the fact that I can only take a pair of underwear and a toothbrush on this road trip; not even a regular toothbrush, but one of those ones that folds into the size of a tootsie roll. And forget about toothpaste. I'm alright with this. I'm planning on wearing 15 layers of clothing. Who cares if I look like I packed on 30 pounds around my gut overnight? Shoes will be an issue. It's hard to layer those. But really, plans are coming along pretty well.

Except one thing. Food. You see, when I travel, I carry pounds and pounds of nuts, fruit, granola bars, candy, jerky. Anything that I can eat without refrigerating or cooking. Because when it comes to food, APPARENTLY I'm not normal. Yes, APPARENTLY three meals a day should be enough. APPARENTLY some people can even eat in the morning, drive all day, SKIP lunch, and then eat a late dinner.

This doesn't fly with me. I transform into a complete beast if I don't have something to chew on besides gum at least every two hours.

I took the liberty of designing a simple chart to better explain what I mean.

The green line is what I imagine a normal person's blood sugar and hunger levels are throughout the day. The red line is me. Got it?

Unfortunately, I literally have been allotted only the space on my lap for my possessions on this trip. You're probably thinking, why not just stop and grab food? Here's the thing: APPARENTLY almost everything shuts down along the Alcan at the end of September.

So how the heck am I going to eat? I'm currently researching different kinds of shrunken foods, military grade packets that will sustain me throughout the day, and such. I think my best and most cost effective bet is going to be a portable feeding tube.

Any ideas on how to get a doctor's prescription for that?